I was lost and now...

So I royally suck as a blogger. Seriously. I keep saying life caught up to me and I didn't have time, but that's not entirely true. I had the time, just not the material or motivation. People always say to "write what you know" and unfortunately, my knowledge has fallen on hard times lately and I don't know a lot to write about. But with another 3 weeks of summer before I have to head back to school, I figure I can manage to write at least one post, one chance to let it be said that I'm still around.

And, oddly enough, the more I sit in front of this computer screen, the more I feel like I have things to say.

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Life is uneasy. Or at least that's how my gut feels about it these past few weeks. It's like everything is changing and moving and shifting around, but in the same breath, things are closing in and making my whole body ache again. Change is supposed to be good, right? Then why can't I shake this fear that I'm in over my head?

I've never been much of a fan of plans changing. And I'm a stickler for being cautious and completely prepared before taking off on some voyage of life. Yet it seems I'm alone in this and most of the rest of the world likes to fly by the seat of their pants, run in 18 million directions all at once and jump headlong into things with eyes sealed shut. Or at least most of the 18-24 year olds I find myself surrounded by are this way. So when Stephen and I agreed to move in with another couple (a couple we'd been quite close to for some time now), I was completely mistaken in believing they'd be as prepared for the move to a new city as I was. Instead, it wasn't until we had already spent all of our vacation time searching for a place and were getting prepared to sign a lease that I realized the other couple had failed to plan what they were doing for college, or a job, or transportation, or money to pay for their bills. I can be a quick problem solver when I need to be, but if your negligence affects me in a huge way, my solution to the problem is to tell you to get the heck out of my life until you pull your shit together. Because of this, my boyfriend and I now have no vacation time left to enjoy, are without a place to move to and will now be living without roommates (which is the decision we should've made ages ago). The thin glass floor we've been walking on finally broke.

Things feel weird right now, alright. Filling in the holes is always a challenge. But I've finally made myself take the deep breaths I know I've needed to take; I'm attempting to let things fall into place and stay optomistic and always look forward. As my dad always tells me, this too shall pass... and then the next thing will start kicking your butt. So let's put on these big girl panties and suck it up - bring it on, life.

Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. --Helen Keller