.moment of inspiration.

I'm not doing too terribly well in my American Literature class this semester. I try, it's just a lot of reading and I have trouble finding time to keep up. My professor is pretty intense too, making class discussion mandatory and asking us to talk about touchy topics. He's intimidating, but very passionate about what he's teaching which in turn makes me passionate about what I'm learning. When he got to modernism and postmodernism, he had my total attention. Eliot's displaced sensibility which blames a modern world for our lack of respect for art; Ginsberg's free form poetry about conformity in our world... it's easy to see the parallels in my own life, for the art to matter on so many levels.

Lately, I've felt totally alone. When you feel alone in a place, like you don't really know anyone or have time to meet anyone, it gets pretty gloomy. And nowadays it's just about impossible to start conversations on the fly thanks to the advent of phones that double as music players. Text and listen to music, don't look up, don't communicate with anyone in your vacinity. It's so lame... and lonely. Reading their work and understanding what they mean in it and then feeling the same discontent in this phase of my life... it's hard to not want to write.

I'm tired and rambling. What I'm trying to sum up is that my professor is getting me to think. And to read fantastic literature I wouldn't have picked up otherwise. It puts me in a melancholic mood, but it's inspiring. I've been wanting to write more anyways because I think I'm kinda decent at it sometimes... nonetheless, here's a creation I wrote on the bus to school the other day. I did what Keuroac suggested and just threw up on the page and didn't try to edit it very much so be nice. [It remains untitled for the time being. I may add one if I edit it.]

Sit with me on the bench, speechless stranger.

A brief moment as we wait;
we've departed from our acquaintences
we'll soon disperse back into our worlds.

A smile, kind words:
Lay your head on my shoulder, sleepy soldier.

We are twins in this lonely city.

See? Melancholy. I'm staying positive and telling myself to not stress, reminding myself that this semester is drawing to an end and that I have two wonderful jobs I truly enjoy and that my grades are fantastic so even a little stumble doesn't mark disaster. But sometimes I can't shake the lonely, scared kid inside of me that needs friends and a social life and a little extra support.

And so life goes on.
xo.with love.xo